in alot of ways though, i think i'll always be homeless. it will be something i carry around with me. i won't dwell on it, but i'll be aware of it. i'll always know how quickly it happened and how swiftly it descended upon me. i'll always know that it could happen again. i'll aways feel the pain and emotional upheaval that changing everything around me caused. i'll always be aware that my history and the feeling of who i am has been forever altered. i'll never be 100 per cent sure of anything again.
i'll never again have the confidence i once had in our economy, our system of governing and the way of life that i had to come to expect and take for granted. i'll never again think that jobs or the money earned from them is never going to end and if it does it can be replaced quickly and easily, as it always had been my entire life. i'll never be able to fully trust friends, family or anyone close to me and think i can turn to them or would turn to them in times of trouble.
i think the most profound thing i'll have to carry around now is awareness. i can never walk down the street again and be oblivious to the poor, the homeless or those struggling to keep a home or food on the table. i can never be unaware of homeless children or those living in what we call poverty in the united states. i can never again claim to not know what the homeless face and deal with every day. i can never again make excuses for homelessness in this country or the fact that we are failing to make any real headway in reducing it. i can never gain ignore the problems of families living in shelters and missions with young children. i can never again pretend it's not my problem. i can never again accept any excuse or reason for homelessness, from us or the homeless themselves. in alot of ways this is more painful to me than the fact that i was homeless. it will be a scar on my inner self that i will have to feel for the remainder of my life. it isn't going to fade or heal. it's going to remain there...waiting to be reopened.
yes...i'm no longer houseless. but i'm still homeless in alot more ways than i'd like to admit. for today i wait and watch.
see you around town